I spoke to my best friend for the first time in a few months today. Two years ago she left the country with her fiancee to live in South Africa. She got married, had a baby, and came home about six months ago. She now lives about 200 miles away, and I rarely get to see her, as she has since had another child, my godson. As soon as I congragulated her on the new baby, she jumped straight in with the uncomfortable subject of how incredibly depressed I was last time I saw her. It had been a couple of months since the break up, and although I thought at the time that I was dealing with it, the realisation that she could clearly see how low I was made me suddenly feel incredibly selfish.
It has been six months, and I'm still not getting through this, and I'm forcing the people around me to cope with it all with me. I was staying with a friend about a week ago, and as usual was having trouble falling asleep. I got up to go downstairs and wihtout meaning to woke her up. She sat up with me until 5am hugging me and watching shit TV until I fell asleep, knowing that if I sat by myself I would probably curl up and cry like the world's biggest loser. And thinking about that now, is that so far from the truth?
Seriousy. If I were one of my friends, I think I would have given me a slap round the face by now. I irritate myself, so what does that mean they are feleing everytime I get weepy for the evil ex? Do people want to slap me? Probably.
So this is a new start. Or at least it will be until the next episode. Oh well.